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*the field hockey coach's 2 1/2 year old daughter fell and slightly bumped her head in the goal*
"Boom time baby." - Me
"I'm not a baby, I'm a big girl." - Daughter

Did they send me daughters...

*athlete attempting a bounding drill with low hurdles*
"I will bring honor to my family!!"

Guilty by association

*I walk up next to the assistant football coach *
"I don't want to talk to you." - Coach
*I stare at him*
"You always have bad news." - Coach
*I stare at him*
"Every time an athletic trainer comes onto the field, it's with bad news." - Coach
*I stare at him*
"You only ever come onto the field with bad news, so I don't want to talk to you." - Coach
*I stare at him*
"Do you have bad news?" - Coach
"No." - Me
"Then why did you come onto the field?" - Coach
"To stand and watch. Quietly." - Me
"But I thought you had bad news." - Coach
"I didn't say anything!" - Me

Suns out...

"Can you do something about this?" - Athlete
*points to shoulder scrape*
"What is it?" - Me
"My pads keep chafing me." - Athlete
"You could wear sleeves." - Me
"Nah, gotta show off the guns." - Athlete

Nope, pigheaddedness

"Can I run?" - Athlete
"No!" - Me
"Why not?!" - Athlete
"Do we need to have that conversation again?" - Me
"Please?!" - Athlete
"Screaming in pain on the ground." - Me
"Grunting! I was grunting!" - Athlete

Stubbornness?

"When my knee goes numb, can I put my brace on and go back out there?" - Athlete
"No." - Me
"Why not?!" - Athlete
"Because you were rolling on the ground screaming." - Me
"I was not screaming, I was grunting." - Athlete
"That's like saying you didn't cry, you yelped." - Me
"Yeah, because it's more manly....oh, and I wasn't grunting in pain, just frustration." - Athlete

Morning energy

"Not everyone does coke in the mornings." - Athlete

Qualifications

K has just snatched the ball from defense in a receiving drill

"I don't count it; K shaves his legs." - Athlete

Moustaches

"You should've seen the old athletic trainer with mustache; he looked like a pedophile. Wait, no. A seventies porn star." - Athlete
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" - Me

Detours

"Shh! I hear an ice cream truck." - Me
"Yeah, it comes by all the time." - Athlete 1
"I have cash." - Me
"Want to buy me an ice cream?" - Athlete 2
"No. I'm debating if I can get away with going to go buy some with the golf cart." - Me
"Just say he needs ice." - Athlete 2
"Ice, of the dairy variety?" - Me

Knowledge

"Do you know who Peter Gabriel is?" - Athlete 1
"No." - Athlete 2
*I face palm*
"What?" - Athlete 1
"I'm so old!" - Me
"Yeah, but he didn't even know who Hank Aaron was. And I bet you do!" - Athlete 2

Your phone judges you

"I just tried to text B 'Are you joking?' but it autocorrected to 'Are you holding?' Apparently my phone wants me to be friends with stoners."

Benefits

"Abs help you run, abs help your back stay protected, abs help you...get a date for prom..." - Girls soccer player during conditioning

Ab workouts

Girls soccer player while contemplating doing a minute and a half plank:

"Just breathe like you're in labor!"

He just said WHAT?!

After a coach raced a player (and lost) to see if the whole the team would run, another player said:

"Damn, M has slave feet."

Rom Coms

"Okay, so we need to talk about this. How is Crazy, Stupid, Love NOT a romantic comedy?!" - A very indignant male athlete when I said it was a Dramedy

Bonding

Guest starring fellow athletic trainer E!

"I know you got a job but Marysville just opened up." - E
"Agh! That would be cool. Although Marysville traffic suuuucks." - Me
"It's not so bad considering the time of day. The guy who was there lived in Shoreline..." - E
"Ouch. That's not too bad. All of my friends and family would absolutely loooooove me moving to Marysville." - Me
"Lol it's not too late!" - E
"No. I watched my new kids lift today. I've bonded." - Me
"Lies. You aren't bonded until they bleed on you." - E
"Haha nope. I stretched them too. Those two equal bleeding." - Me
"Yeah, so why haven't you applied yet? :p" - E
"I told you. I bonded." - Me

Adoption

"You imprinted on me. Like a baby duck." - Me
"What?" - Athlete
"Bones." - Me
"So confused." - Athlete
"Just nod and accept." - Me

Summer hobbies

"K, I saw you got married on Facebook." - Athlete 1
"You got married?" - Athlete 2
"Yep, but only on Facebook. Not in real life." - Me
"Didn't like him enough, huh?" - Athlete 2