More effective than Gitmo

"Oh, God, this hurts so bad! It hurts so bad! How is this legal?! You're enjoying this, aren't you?! YOU'RE SMILING!! YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS!!" - Athlete getting calf massage

What they choose to hear

*Athlete walks in wearing lavender polo and pale yellow shorts*
"You look like an Easter egg." - Me
"You don't mean that. That's just your way of saying I look great today." - Athlete