Sadism vs Satanism

"This hurts so bad!" - Athlete stretching
"Good." - Me
"You're so mean!" - Athlete
"It's because we're sadists." - Coworker
"You're an atheist?" - Athlete
"What?" - Me
"Well, if you don't believe in God, it means you worship the devil, right?" - Athlete

It's Big River, Genius

"It's called the Rio Grande. You should learn that. You need to assimilate. What do you say every day when you come to school? The pledge of allegiance. You're in America now. Assimilate." - Soccer player teasing his teammate

"He actually doesn't need to assimilate because it's called the Rio Grande in Spanish too. We took the name from them, so he has it right." - Me to soccer player

"Ooooh! You just got schooled!" - Team

Logic

"This scale is way off. Before lunch it said I weighed 180 and now it says I weigh almost 210." - Athlete
"You're wearing your backpack." - Me
"...You need to stop being smart." - Athlete