Thank God for lax bro shorts?

"Are you the kid from earlier with the foot?" - Me
"Yes." - Athlete
"Ok good. I remembered the shorts. I can't go by helmets or shirts, because all your shirts are neon." - Me
"I never wear neon." - Athlete
"Dude, look at your shirt." - Me
*Athlete looks down at neon green shirt*
"Well that doesn't count!" - Athlete

Summer Camp

*Coach walks by my room in the basement*
"Hiding from the kids?" - Me
"Maybe." - Coach
"Baby." - Me
"You say that, but you're down here." - Coach
"Touche." - Me

Facial expressions not included

*Via Snapchat*
"I'm on Pinterest again--SAVE ME!!! - Me
"Mmmm...no." - Former ATS

Trash talk at its finest

*working semi-pro football in the Bronx*

"Rap started right here! On this field! Right here! I got nothin but respect! Nothin but respect!" - One of our athletes

Zurg will be destroyed with sugary drinks

*Side Note: I have two offices. The large main one sits between the boys and girls locker rooms and connects to the boys locker room (AKA "Earth"). The second office (AKA "The Moon"), is located entirely in the girls locker room and storage for things I don't trust anyone with*

"Do you want some Gatorade?" - Me
"Oh my God, yes!" - (recently graduated) ATS
"Okay. I need to grab my keys, because it's in the moon." - Me
"I never realized how fitting that was." - ATS
"Why?" - Me
"Because you're my Buzz Aldrin, and now we're going to the moon." - ATS
"TO INFINITY, AND BEYOND!!" - Me, blasting off into space
"Mix ALL the jokes!" - ATS

Suns out...

*Watching S (who has huge muscles) do pushups only in the mid-range*
"He's not getting full extension!" - Me
"What's the big deal?" - J
"His muscles may be big, but they're beach muscles; they don't do anything." - Me
"OHHHH! BURN!!" - J
"What?" - S
"I just said you have beach muscles. You've got the guns, but there's no ammo." - Me
"OHHHHH!!! BUUUUURRRRN!" - J
*S then spends the next ten minutes trying to convince me otherwise*

Weightlifting music

I don't understand the music choices of my kids sometimes...

Song #1

"Hell yeah, hell yeah, F*** it right!"

Song #2

"That's just the way it is..."