Carbon Dating

*visiting team fan is holding a sign that says "THE PIT"*
"What's the pit? What pit is he talking about?" - Home Team Fan
"Maybe he's talking about the Pit of Despair?" - Me
"What's the pit of despair?" - HTF
"Man, I feel so OLD!" - Me
"What? Why?" - HTF

NOPE

I just found dirty knickers in my office left by one of the refs after showering.

NOPE NOPE NOPE.

I don't care if I just threw away your $35 compression shorts.

IF YOU LEAVE DIRTY UNDERWEAR IN MY OFFICE I'M THROWING IT AWAY.

In the immortal words of Ron White:

"Things that make you go 'bleagh'."

Withdrawals

"I miss being on your blog. I guess I'll just have to get funny again." - Former Athlete

Two Adults

"Want the last ones?" - Me, offering brownies to a (male) coach
"I get both?" - Coach
"Yep." - Me, opening the tupperware
"Can I take the tupperware?" - Coach
"But it's mine." - Me
"But I eat them slow!" - Coach
"But--" - Me
"I'll wash it and bring it back." - Coach
"Promise?" - Me
"Pinky swear." - Coach, offering me a pinky
"Okay." - Me
"Kiss it. Gotta make it official." - Coach, kissing his thumb
*pinky swear*
"You know--" - Me
"Pinky swear is sacred." - Coach

Nicknames

"If I have to deal with red-headed stepchild and ginger jokes, you get unloved middle child jokes." - Me
"Deal." - ATS

Person of importance

"Here." - Me
*hands ATS my camera*
"What, so I'm relegated to pictures tonight?" - ATS
"Just until someone gets hurt." - Me
*ATS grumbles under breath*
"I can take the pictures if you don't--" - Me
"No! I want to!" - ATS, clutching camera

Following in the path

"Boys aren't allowed to have long hair?" - Me
"No." - ATS
"But Jesus had long hair." - Me
"HAHAHAHA." - ATS

Teen Wolf?

I understand that teenagers have hormones, but when I start to hear howling coming from the boys locker room, I start to question in just what direction those hormones are leading them.

Works like a charm

"K, do you have scissors?" - Athlete
"Yes, why?" - Me
"I got my bag stuck." - Athlete
*shows me that his bag is stuck to his braces*
"Sure, but do you mind if I take a picture first?" - Me
*go to get my camera*
"Never mind!" - Athlete, having ripped the cord free
"I swear, embarrassment, food, hormones, and sports fuels 95% of teenage boys." - Me
"It's what fuels me." - Athlete 2

Cool kids

"I need you to go buy cups." - Me
"They're gonna think I'm a huge partier. They'll think I'm throwing bangers." - Student AT
"Is that what they're called now?" - Me
"I don't know. I don't have any or get invited to any." - Student AT

On female wrestlers

"I personally feel that the genitalia of men I've never met belongs squarely not on me." - Me