Memories

*at graduation*
"She's not wearing shoes." - A
"I don't remember where I put them." - M
"Why am I not surprised?" - Me

This is how they miss me

"You don't stretch my shoulder out anymore and now I throw like you." - Athlete

Bossiness

*Athlete bouncing lacrosse ball on ground and puts it against her mouth*
"Don't put the lacrosse ball on your mouth." - Me
*Athlete licks lacrosse ball*
"Ew." - Me
"Don't tell me what to do." - Athlete
" Don't NEED me to tell you what to do." - Me

Middle earth vs. Religion

"My teacher is a nun. And she wears the full hobbit...habit?" - Athlete
"Habit." - Me
"She does not wear a mystical midget." - Therapist
"But she wears brown Uggs in the winter!" - Athlete

Cleaning

*athlete face plants into a cake he made*
"J, stop licking your glasses." - P

"They have cake on them." - J

The magical powers of cake

"I need cake!" - Me
"K, cake doesn't make you not cry, it just gives you diabetes!" - M
"Or it makes you choke when your athletes make you laugh. E, you're giving me the Heimlich if I can't breathe." - Me

You found it WHERE?

"I just pulled mascara out of my ear and now I'm really confused." - Me
"#Kproblems" - Athlete

Jewelry

"Here B, I'm making you a cankle bracelet." - D, wrapping prewrap around his ankle

Oh really?

"K, can I have one of these granola bars?" - D (a boy)
"Yeah, or I have chocolate ones. Cause the one you're holding is for women." - Me
"Well I am pregnant." - D

Choices

"So what are you doing after this?" - E
"I lose my job." - Me
"That was way too happy." - M
"Well my options are 'happy' or 'you: sobbing on the table.'" - Me
"I only left two teardrops on the table." - M

Reasons

"K, you're leaving?" - E
"Yep." - Me
"M, K's leaving too. You are screwed. Everyone's leaving you." - E

Damage

"K, it's horrible. I just look at the seniors and start crying. And they say 'What's wrong with you?'" - Athlete
"Everything. We're just now figuring out how much." - Me

Missing

"Where's the banquet?" - Me
"Gym B." - Athlete
"I'll be there." - Me
"Stop and pick up your dignity on the way." - Athlete
"By the way, have you found yours yet?" - Me
*Athlete looks at me and tugs down her short shorts*
"That would be a no." - Me

Synonyms

"What's another word for simultaneous?" - Athlete
"...Simultaneously...?" - Me
"That's an adverb! Concurrent?" - Athlete
"Yeah." - Me
"I'm brain damaged! You're supposed to help me." - Athlete
"I has the dumb today." - Me

Types of Fun

"What fun can we do?" - Athlete
"Um...?" - Me
"And I mean actual fun, not cleaning fun. Because that's not really fun. That's just fun for you." - Athlete

Ownership

"What are you two doing? You're such little spazzes." - Me
"Yeah, but we're your little spazzes." - Athlete

Italian Stallion

"We're not good but we get the job done." - Athlete 1
"So your frisbee team is like the Expendables?" - Me
"What? What's our team name again?" - Athlete 1
"You're the Melonheads." - Athlete 2
"K, you're making movie references again. You know I don't get those. What movie is that?" - Athlete 1
"It's a Sylvester Stallone movie." - Me
"Is that the boxer guy? What's his name? Rampage?" - Athlete 1

Knowledge

"You have to hold the paper when you cut it." - Me
"The more you know..." - Athlete
*pause*
"I'm so happy you just made that reference." - Me

Creativity

"If I draw an eye on my hand will it make a chameleon?" - D
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" - Me, falling over while stretching B
"As soon as he said that, I knew you were going to fall over laughing. What are you even talking about?" - B
"Look, on my hand! It looks like a chameleon." - D
*gets a pen and draws on an eye and top hat*
"Rawwww!" - D

Supplier

*at the baseball banquet getting a drink from the ice chest*

"I think this is the first time all year K hasn't had to supply the ice!"

The Feminine Logic

"Man, I'm so old. I'm like an antique. I need specialty care." - Athlete
"If you're an antique, what does that make me?" - Me
"Uh..." - Athlete
"A fossil?" - Me
"Yeah, that's it!" - Athlete
"What?! Are you calling me old?!" - Me
"What?...Well...You brought it up!" - Athlete
"You're not supposed to agree with me!" - Me
"I thought you'd go with it." - Athlete

Swearing

"I'm really bad at my pronun...pronoun...pronun..." - Athlete
"Pronunciation?" - Me
"Yes! What the fluff?! What the actual fluff?!" - Athlete

Acceptance

*immediately after girls lacrosse has lost in the state semifinals*

"Well, since lacrosse lost, I'm done with sports at H." - Me
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" - Athlete
"I'll still be there for almost 2 more weeks." - Me
"I got hit with a Frisbee today during the tournament. I need you to treat my shin every day from now until graduation." - Athlete

Special Guest Star II

Starring: Nick the P.E. Teacher

"I'm totally killing you in pickle ball." - Athlete
"I think I'm coming out ahead in the series." - Nick
"You know what they say about those who can't do, right Nick?" - Me
"They teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym." - Nick