Summer

"Summer is the time for tanning and getting your butt stuck to leather things." - M
"Hahahahaha what?!" - Me
"Nothing. I'm going to go get my trombone and my phone." - M
"Look for your dignity while you're at it." - Me
*M looks herself up and down*
"What?" - M
"I think you dropped it right there." - Me

After-school Activities

"That is not a softball bruise!" - Me
"Shh! Be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting wabbits." - Athlete

Boredom

*athlete comes hopping down the hall*
"What happened?!" - Me
"I found packing tape, so I wrapped myself in it. K, will you finish?" - Athlete
"Heck yes!" - Me

Credit

"Freshman year I broke my nose--" - P
"P, let's give credit where credit is due. I broke your nose." - M

Names

"We're writing letters to get K her job back next year." - Athlete 1
"I'll write like 6 letters." - Athlete 2
"And sign them all different names, like Snake Pliskin." - Me
"Snake Pliskin was the first name that popped into your head?" - Athlete 2
"As it should be. It wasn't the first to pop into yours?" - Me

Thoughts

"I'm so weirded out by our bodies. I think about if we were to take off all our skin and muscle, we'd just be skeletons walking around going 'Heeeey!'" - Athlete, strutting
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" - Me
"And that's why I can't ever remember anything you say to me; because I have stuff like that running through my brain." - Athlete

Patience

"Heeeeyyyy, K. IIIIII'm so hyyyyyper. I might as well be one big ball of suuuuuugar." - Athlete
"Then I might as well kick you out now then." - Me

Favorites

"K, you love B more!" - M
"M, I do not!" - Me, while stretching A
"Yes you do!" - M, giving me puppy dog eyes
"I do not! Stop making me feel guilty!" - Me
*M keeps giving me puppy dog eyes*
"Stop it! You're hurting A!" - Me, realizing I'm stretching A way too far

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

*while working on the back of M on the turf*
"K, I just got a piece of turf in my mouth." - M
"Well, it's going to get worse, so you might be stuffing turf in your mouth to keep from screaming in a minute." - Me
"Yep." - M
"Ooh! K's giving M a massage!" - KG
"KG, this isn't a pleasant experience for them." - Me
"Well it looks nice, at least." - KG
"Agh! K! I just swallowed turf! Ppppbbbbbllll" - M
"I rest my case." - Me

Habits

"K, it hurts so bad. It's like labor pains, but on the wrong side!" - Athlete
"Hahahahaha!!!" - Me
"That's going on Facebook, isn't it?" - Athlete

Pain Tolerance

"I'm about to pass out from the pain." - Athlete
"I could have some fun with that." - Me
"I'd wake up in a pretzel, huh?" - Athlete
"And covered in sharpie and highlighters." - Me

Treatment Options

"K, if it hurts here and I ice it, will it get better?" - (Male) Athlete
"It should." - Me
*in high-pitched little kid voice* "Yaaaaay!" - Athlete

Tongue-tied

"Working on your shoulder has left the imprint of a skull. Want me to draw it on?" - Me
"Sure." - Athlete
"Everyone's going to wonder why you have a skull on your face." - Me
"A skull on my face? HAHAHAHA...K, want to stretch my face now?" - Athlete

Brain Power

"I'm not the smartest tool in the shed." - Athlete
"Don't you mean sharpest?" - Me
"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" - Athlete

Minor Differences

"See my cuts? I got them from this." - Athlete, pointing to jagged metal edge on helmet
"That looks dangerous." - Me
"Yeah, but I don't require stitches, so it's only MILDLY dangerous, not ACTUALLY dangerous." - Athlete

Dying

"Today I came to the realization that my arm is on its last legs." - Athlete
"I'm more worried by the fact that your arm has now grown legs." - Me

Edited for Content

"What does that even mean?" - Athlete 1
"Clearly whoever just said that has never seen Boondock Saints." - Me
"I love Boondock Saints! What did they say?" - Manager
"Let's make like a tree and get the eff out of here." - Me
"No I didn't. I said 'fuck'." - Athlete 2

Dedication

"K, you can't leave!" - Athlete
"I have to leave." - Me
"You should get a job at my school next year. I'd play whatever sport you worked with." - Athlete
"Even girls lacrosse?" - Me
"You'd...find a good surgeon." - Athlete

So Was Jesus

"Who is better at fixing you, me or D?" - Me
"You." - P
"Hah!" - Me
"But I'm Jesus!" - J
"D, you're Jewish." -P

Semantics

"You're falling apart, aren't you D?"
"I'm not falling apart, my skin's just coming off."

He's Worldly

(During a batting competition)

"This is the craziest thing since 'Nam."